I went to a bar to wet my whistle with a couple of bowls of loudmouth soup, and things didn’t go so well.
I do not like flattery when it’s used as a means to an end. When the message is “I’m sexually attracted to you, and you should be flattered”, I’m not interested in hearing it. I prefer real, open-minded conversations over flattery and free drinks. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate when people genuinely mean well and expect nothing in return, or when the compliment is related to a topic that we’re both interested in, like makeup. “Your eyeliner is on point today”, means a lot more to me than shallow offerings coupled with expectations. No one is solely around for anyone else’s enjoyment, we should treat each other like individuals with thoughts, interests and feelings. I think we would bump into a lot less entitled assholes that way.
This is kind of a scary thing to talk about because a lot of people firmly believe that “you’re beautiful” is the best compliment a woman can get, and I probably sound stuck up for not wanting to hear it and for being annoyed by free drinks. In actuality, I just hate when seemingly kind actions are laced with expectation or merely objectify the recipient. I also think that buying drinks for randoms should be an outdated practice. Strangers should stop giving/expecting freebies and instead pay for their own vices and their own impaired judgment.
Shit happens because some people are jerks, but most people aren’t. Don’t let an encounter with an asshat keep you from leaving the house and being social. The world yearns for you in all of your goodness and glory.
WHAT I DO TO REDUCE INTERACTIONS WITH JERKS
1. I don’t let strangers buy me drinks because I don’t like feeling like I owe a stranger something, that’s no good way to start a relationship. If someone wants to get to know me, they can talk to me. Impairing my judgment in the form of free drinks and flattery won’t impress me as much as you trusting in your conversational skills.
2. I tend to only go to clubs if we have a private table. It’s sad that it has to come to this because tables are expensive and exclusive, but I don’t like dealing with people dancing up on me while I’m trying to have fun. I like the option of having a table to go to when the dance-floor is a bit much for the moment.
3. I like to frequent “hipster pubs”, I have no idea what else to call them and I’m cringing while typing this. But they’re little hot spots that young locals like to frequent who appreciate good alternative music and good beer. I find that the attitude toward women at those places tends to be more enlightened than at mainstream dance clubs. When people get together based on an interest other than hopefully getting lucky, it tends to go a lot better.
A BETTER WAY TO APPROACH PEOPLE
I dislike being approached randomly on the street, but I don’t mind being approached in social situations like a party, a bar, an event, or a classroom. I really enjoy having conversations with no pressure. Flattering me pressures me to give you a certain response, I prefer situations where you introduce yourself, share your opinion about what ever is going on and ask for mine, then the conversation naturally just blossoms on its own if it’s a good fit. Please don’t give up on approaching each other!
Love & Light,
Posted in: Life